Being in the garden battling crabgrass, over producing bluebells, bees, beetles and the like, my biggest issue is...spiders. Yes. I have a phobia. Nothing like my sister's which is so bad she once called the fire department, but that's another story, it is still pretty bad. I am lucky that I have 5 able bodied spider assassins at the ready. My youngest stepson has been handling my screams and screeches since he about 5-he's 16 now, running from anywhere in the house upon hearing my scream, calmly asking me: "where is it?" in his little froggy voice.
I hate spiders.
They're so sneaky, turning up when you least expect it, in strange areas, I can hardly deal.
Ok-back to Babyhead. I think he was about 14 months and I was doing some random thing like washing his binky at the kitchen sink for the millionth time. I was holding him-the mama left hip hold when he pointed at what I thought was the window and yelled, or he may have bellowed, it was too close to call: "Spidermomma!" In the words of my Grandmother, I liked to die! I screamed, he screamed-again- and I just about dropped him on his sweet head, scrambling to put as much distance from me and the window. We ended up in the living room, me panting from the exersion and extreme trauma and he big eyed chewing on his tiny fist, drool pooling on my shirt. " Where did you see the spider baby? Show momma!"
He pointed his little finger right at me, and in my confusion I said "Where? Is it on me? In my hair?" I started hopping about when he said quietly "stop. eye. momma." He pointed again at my eye. "Spider".
I ran to the mirror and looked at myself. I then began to laugh, that deep belly laugh that you tried to hide in childhood because it was just too embarrassing. I had to admit Babyhead was right. My eyes may look to him, a baby, like spiders. To me, a seasoned makeup pro I just saw fantastic mascara, the mascara I've used on me and on set forever and a day: "L'Oreal Voluminous Mascara. It thickens and lengthens like crazy. I prefer carbon black, but will use blackest black in a pinch. Sure it was unsettling every time he would yell out "spider!", but I grew used to it and smiled every time, even referring my fav mascara to complete strangers at the grocery store when he would let out a "SpiderMomma!!!" in line. Hey, he helps spread the word to better lashes I figured, and that can only be good to all the ladies in need.
So today, run don't walk and pick up some L'Oreal Voluminous Mascara... Spiders be damned!
